We all have those fearsโthe ones that lurk in the background of our minds, whispering what if?ย What if the ground beneath me gives way? What if the things I rely on the most suddenly disappear? What if the life I know changes overnight?
For years, I carried fears like these. And then, in what felt like a cruel twist of fate, they became my reality.
One of my dearest loved ones was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. At the same time, my husbandโmy partner in this expat lifeโlost his job, which meant we also lost our sponsored health insurance and visa status. Three months have passed, and while weโre still searching for the right opportunity for him, the uncertainty lingers.
I had imagined that if something like this ever happened, I would collapse under the weight of it all. That Iโd be lost in grief, anxiety, and fear. That it would be too much.
But hereโs five things that Iโve learned:
1. Reality Is Hard, But Itโs Not as Terrifying as the Mind Makes It
Before, these scenarios existed in the realm of my worst nightmares, painted with the darkest, most catastrophic brushstrokes. But now, Iโm living it. And while itโs painful and uncertain, itโs alsoโฆ manageable. Not easy, but not as all-consuming as I had imagined. The mind has a way of making fear bigger than reality. The truth is, when youโre in it, you just do the next thing. You take it day by day. You adapt.
2. Resilience Is Built in the Moments You Want to Give Up
I used to wonder if I had the strength to face something like this. Turns out, I do. Itโs not because Iโve suddenly become superhuman. Itโs because resilience isnโt something you decide to haveโitโs something that grows in you when you have no other choice.ย You take a deep breath, you make the hard phone call, you face another day. And somehow, you keep going.
3. Love and Support Matter More Than Anything Else
In the face of these challenges, Iโve been held together by the people around me. Friends who check in. The community that reminds me Iโm not alone. The small gestures that mean everything. The weight of this hasnโt disappeared, but itโs been sharedโand that has made all the difference.
4. Uncertainty Is Exhausting, But Itโs Also a Teacher
I wonโt pretend that uncertainty isnโt frustrating, terrifying, and deeply uncomfortable. It is. But itโs also shown me how to surrender, how to live in the present, and how to trust in the unknownโeven when I donโt like it.
5. Life Moves Forward, Even in the Hardest Moments
When this all began, I thought time would stop. That everything would be consumed by grief and fear. But life keeps going. There are still moments of joy, laughter, and beauty, even amidst the struggle. Iโve learned to find and cherish them because they remind me that even in the hardest seasons, life is still worth living fully.
So, What Now?
Three months later, weโre still in the thick of it. Thereโs no neat resolution. But Iโm standing. Weโre standing. Weโre figuring it out.
And if thereโs one thing I know for sure, itโs this: ย I am stronger than I thought.
So, if youโre facing your own worst fearsโif life has thrown you into the stormโyou might not believe me yet, but you are stronger than you think too.
One step, one breath, one day at a time.
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Have you ever faced a fear that became reality? What did you learn about yourself? Letโs talk in the comments.
TULLY XO